Avoid Wedding Video Regret By Asking These 7 Questions

June 24, 2019

By:

Cindy Caughey

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A happy married couple watching their wedding video on a sofa at home

Most couples start with two questions.

1.) Do I really need a wedding video?

And you may be answering it like this:

  • Can I even afford it—I’m already getting photos, with that extra money in my budget, shouldn’t I just skip it and put it toward our honeymoon instead?
  • I don’t watch the videos I take on my own phone—will I really watch this more than once?
  • I’m not sure I see the value of getting a video—at least I can decorate my house with our wedding photos.

2) Do I really want a wedding video?

And maybe you start thinking:

When you’ve exhausted all the possibilities you can think of, you turn to friends and family for help.

Your friends tell you not getting a wedding video was immediately their biggest regret.

Others tell you that they were perfectly happy splurging on a photographer and skipping the whole video thing.

And still others tell you, they hired a college kid to film the ceremony and took that money and spent it on something else.

Gah!

You end up being more confused than ever.

Do you talk to the professionals?

You could… but you’re afraid that if you do, they might sell you on their services instead of giving you much needed insight. And since you’re not sure you need them yet, you don’t want the hassle right now.

And at the end of all this, you end up more confused than ever and are tempted to just give wedding planning a rest for 6 months just to regain some sanity.

There are really 7 questions you should be asking yourself to find out if video is truly right for you.

These questions will finally allow you conquer this monster decision and move onto other things.

We get it. (And we’ve got your back, I promise.)

Truthfully, we find that the best clients are the ones who’ve not only figured out that video is right for them but that we’re the kind of people they want to work with.

Not just because we fit into their budget (always important) but because we love each one another’s personalities.

We want you to make the best decision before you ever inquire with us.

Because the very best videos are made with clients who are comfortable and excited about the video you can produce for them.

We want to create a wedding video for you that you’re so in love with that you can’t stop watching it.

Getting to that decision is a process.

Because, let’s face it. Wedding videography is a big budget item. It’s right up there with photography!

How do you get there when you feel like you’re tied up in knots and you just kind of wish someone else would make the decision for you?

By asking the right questions.

All of which have to do with knowing yourself and what’s important to you.

Not surprisingly, none of those questions have anything to do with whether or not you feel like you’re pretty enough on camera or if you should upgrade your honeymoon suite.

Because that’s not where regret comes from, my friend.

Regret comes from somewhere much deeper.

Which is why we’re going to apply Clarity on Fire’s 7 questions you should ask before you say yes to anything to your wedding videography decision-making process.

1.  Does getting a wedding video align with your core values?

I can tell you from experience, you change a lot from who you are in your 20s to who you’ll end up being in your 40s.

A. Friggin. Lot.

There’s a lot of growing going on throughout your life and the things you think you’re incredibly sure about yourself at 25 don’t always hold true by the time you turn 40. (Oh, hai 40.)

But some of those things do stay true to you and those are your core values.

So what are these core values and how do you figure them out if you don’t already know what they are?

I mean, really, who’s walking around contemplating their core values on any given day?

Your core values are your Northstar, the concepts in life that make you happy. These are the things in life that make you feel complete and full, regardless of all else.

Big stuff, right?

Some of my values are: simplicity, homeyness, connectedness, lightness, freedom, and security.

Why does this matter?

Because if you’ve convinced yourself that you’re not sentimental at this point in your life (I had done this), but it turns out your core values are based around home, family, friends, and connectedness—chances are, at 40, you’re going to wish you had a wedding video to remember the people from 15 years ago.

(Oh look, I’m identifying with things again—regrets, FTW.)

If you have trouble figuring out what your values are, (because it’s harder than you’d think), I suggest checking out How To Transform Knowing What You Don’t Want Into Knowing What You Do Want by Clarity on Fire.

Kristen and Rachel are amazing ladies who are on a mission to help other’s find their passion (which includes identifying your core values). Clearly, they’re two of my favorite people in the world.

They also have a great podcast which is totally worth checking out.

2.  Forget your head, what’s your gut telling you?

Ever get a gut feeling about something?

That’s your intuition, it lives in the pit of your stomach. Why? Because that’s where your big arrogant brain (who thinks it knows it all because it’s so smart) banished it to. That’s my best guess, anyway.

You need to pay attention to that gut feeling when it comes around because that feeling is your intuition’s way of trying to get your attention. (Ignore it enough times and it becomes an ulcer.)

Sometimes your head is too smart for its own good and it will disregard your (much) smarter intuition in favor of logic. The problem with logic is that it doesn’t consider the whole picture but your intuition does.

How many times have you walked into a situation and said, “OMG, I should have known better.” You did, you just didn’t listen to your body.

So how do you know when it’s time to listen to your intuition?

Your intuition refuses to be ignored and so, very helpfully, it gives you plenty of reminders.

It’s unrelenting, bordering on nagging. If you keep ignoring it, it sends bigger and bigger signals.

How do you relate that to a wedding video?

It can feel like this: the sinking feeling you’re going to miss a log of things you really want to have seen.

It’s not a question, it’s a genuine feeling. Almost like you know it’s going to happen despite what anyone else is telling you.

That’s your body telling you, “Hey, friend, I have an answer for you!”

Need more help figuring that out? Kristen and Rachel have recently recorded a podcast about it. Because, again, the love. (Clearly, I lean on them a lot.)

3.  Why am I saying yes (or no) to a wedding video?

A lot of people will calculate the value of getting a wedding video on whether or not they’ll watch it enough to make the investment worth it. Or whether the film is long enough to warrant the price.

But this isn’t really what it’s about (for anyone).

How do I know that?

Because the majority of the services at your wedding are short-term things that you only experience ONE TIME.

You’re probably not wondering if your cake is worth it because you can only eat it once (and you don’t even get to eat all of it). Or if the band is worth getting because they only play at your wedding once. Or the open bar, the food, the upgraded bon fire… you see where I’m going with this.

So what’s it really about, then?

It’s about your priorities.

Your answer to what your priorities are isn’t right or wrong because these are your core values. And when you make a decision for yourself based on your core values, you’re making the authentic choice for you.

What was my #1 priority in our wedding budget? Cake. The top tier of which came on our honeymoon with us.

As did pants with elastic waistbands. 💯

4.  What’s the opportunity here?

This is where you start to think outside the box. Because a wedding video can be so much more than a wedding video when you think about what else it can do for you.

Think about what this video might do for you besides just a stroll down memory lane (which is wonderful on its own but it does have other uses).

It can help you and your beloved remember how deep your love for one another is (especially after big fights). The shiny newness of marriage wears off over time and it’s important to remember how intensely it started so you can keep that alive.

Your wedding highlight trailer can be an instant pick-me-up on craptacular days. Short, sweet, and it lives online so your phone can access it in an instant.

It’s a tiny time machine.

Years will march on. 10, 20, 30, 50 years from now you’ll be different people. You’ll look different, sound different, and chances are you’ll hurt your back just by waking up. Wedding videos are a wonderful reminder (and proof) of how young you once were (and also how limber you were).

If you’re planning on having children, this is going to become one of their favorite movies of all time. It’s an amazing bonding experience for kids to see their parents as regular human beings instead of their parental overlords.

It can be so many things besides just a wedding video. Who knew?

5.  Is this a 9 or a 10?

A lot of people will tell you that if it’s not a hell-yes, it’s a hell-no.

But what if it’s really close and you’re having a hard time being able to tell if it’s a REAL hell yes?

Use the 9/10 Rule. Clarity on Fire (again) defines this as:

On this scale, 1 = Hard No (as in, I have zero interest in this) and 10 = Hell, yes (as in, this sounds amazing and totally up my alley and nothing can stop me). 9 = Hell, yeah and I’m just about to throw my credit card at you but let me check the available balance first.

Here’s the hard part. Only say yes to the 9s and 10s.

Most people settle for the 7s and 8s in life.

And those are especially difficult because those 7s and 8s are things that are “good enough”. They generally align with what you want but it’s not exactly there.  

A lot of people settle for 7s and 8s and wonder why they feel kind of “meh”.

I know, I know… but trust me on this. I’ve said yes to plenty of 7s and 8s to know that holding out for 9s and 10s is worth it.

Why? Because even though you’re fine with your 7 or 8, you’ll always be thinking about your potential to have had the 9 or 10.

What does a 7 or 8 opportunity look like?

It’s something that’s pretty good and has more pros than cons, but somehow doesn’t feel quite right.

The easily triggered part of your brain will start asking you if this is the best you can hope for. Or it’ll start to negotiate, “Can’t someone just take video on their iPad? I think I’d be fine with that…”

Trust me, if you value video on any level. “Someone” filming your wedding on an iPad isn’t even close to a 7 unless you’ve got, maybe, James Cameron manning it.

Push past that fear and hold out for the 9s and 10s? Your life is going to explode with amazingness. You’ll wonder why you ever settled before.

6.  What would I do if I knew I wouldn’t be disappointed by my choice?

We do so many things for reasons that aren’t for ourselves.

We make decisions to please our parents, to concede to our beloved, say ‘yes’ to events we don’t want to go so we don’t disappoint friends—all because we think that it will make life easier when we don’t fight for what we really want.

And what does this look like for wedding video?

It could be that you desperately want to make good budget choices because you want to show your parents how responsible you are.

It might also show up as curbing your enthusiasm because your fiancé feels like you’ve got some raging FOMO going on and you want to show them that you don’t need a wedding video because your friends got one.

It seems like avoiding disappointing others at all costs is the kind and pragmatic thing to do. But constantly appeasing others ends up as a burden and you being unkind to yourself.

Making decisions to make other people happy or because you’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings is a fast road to resentment. Not to mention, counterproductive. It’s inauthentic to you and to your people. Which makes a healthy relationship almost impossible to pull off.

Imagine what you would do if no one ever found out what decision you made.

If you could choose in total secrecy, no feelings would be hurt, no disappointment or judgement would surface from anyone—would you get a wedding video?

7.  How much time and energy will this require? And is it worth that expense?

Sometimes all the right reasons have you at “yes”, but jumping on board would mean overcommitting yourself.

Would researching, interviewing, and hiring another vendor be worth the time an energy you’ll have to devote to it? It might not be. Or it might be the best thing ever.

Only you can answer answer that.

I have an example that is in no way related to weddings but was an equally difficult decision to make.

All my life I’ve wanted a horse.

I lived on a farm for 10 years and still didn’t get to have a horse. It killed me not to have one.

Five years ago I had the opportunity to rescue a horse from slaughter. Everyone (especially my parents) thought I was crazy (did I mention my parents thought I’m nuts because my dad still mentions it nearly every time we talk).

It’s a huge commitment in time, energy, money, and mental resources I never could have imagined I’d have to prepare for.

I jumped at the chance to rescue him and having done so, feeds my soul.

Brody is a 10 (honestly, he’s an 11) and he’s worth all the effort I have to put into the commitment of having him.

To me, that’s worth far more than the money I’m required to spend on him for: vet bills, hay, blankets, more hay, boarding, the permanent crick in my arm from shoveling his business, the anxiety and anguish for when he’s sick (so much fretting), brushing him out, fly spray, getting him monthly mani/pedi’s, and taking care of him every day—even when it’s miserable weather (freezing cold, impossibly hot, wet… so. much. mud).

There are infinite reasons to have said “no”.

But that one reason I said “yes” makes everything else 100% worth it.

Point is, you have to consider the satisfaction and reward you’ll experience from your effort. Will the effort and expense bring you joy?

Being regret-free

Not only can it be overwhelming to thinking about getting a wedding video, it’s tempting to put it off until the very last minute because of wedding planning stress.

Trust me when I say this, putting off the decision doesn’t make it less stressful… in fact, that strategy can really backfire on you, making your stress so much worse, just closer to your wedding date.

Decision fatigue is real, y’all. And I get it. I hate it.

I know it’s tempting to ask everyone you’ve ever known if getting a wedding video is worth the investment. But the only person with the right answer is you.

After asking yourselves these 7 questions, you should have a solid idea of what you want and what direction to go in.

Now it’s just about getting yourself there.

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Harborview Studios is owned and operated by husband and wife Cape Cod based filmmakers, Sean & Cindy Caughey, who proudly create bright, colorful, and lively films for their wedding couples. They're well-known for filming on Cape Cod, Nantucket, and Martha's Vineyard. Available to film in Boston, New England, and destination weddings.

When they're not filming weddings, you can find them cuddling with their menagerie, binge watching one of their favorite shows on Netflix, or snacking on all the best treats Cape Cod has to offer.

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